I came up to the altar on Sunday, bowed down and kissed it, went over and opened the missal, and there was a lady bug on the missal. I gave the little critter a flick with my finger and it popped him straight up in the air. I guess he was righting himself after being so rudely interrupted when I sucked in a breath with my mouth wide open, just about to intone the Gloria, when I realized that I had actually sucked in the ladybug and swallowed her down. Needless to say I butchered the beginning of the Gloria and was rescued by the organ and the congregation as they came in on cue. Meanwhile I laughed hysterically at the altar, with my back to the congregation, thinking to myself "Boy, wouldn't my wife love to know what just happened." Apparently my laughter was not quite a subtle as I thought and my adult son was the assisting minister and he began to laugh (but he was laughing at my terrible intonation of the Gloria). He was in the process of gathering his composure when he glanced at my wife, who was also laughing, again at my flawed attempt at musicality when it came to intoning the Gloria. Well, by the end of the Gloria I had again regained my composure, as had my son, and my wife was well on her way, as well. Meanwhile I felt a little squeamish at having eaten the innocent bug (or maybe not so innocent since I do not know if the bug had gone to confession or not). And then I thought about the fact that this meant I had eaten before receiving the Sacrament, something I just about never do, and began to wonder in my mind if this would count at breaking the fast in preparation for the Eucharist. By the time I got through this it was time for me to intone the salutation and return my mind to the thing at hand...Oooooh what a bad day it started out to be... Fortunately, second service was uneventful.