Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Real Men...

Let me begin by admitting that I have never been one who likes hand gestures that accompany songs.  I was not good at the YMCA letters, I was never comfortable holding up this little light of mine, and I feel just plain silly and goofy when the song leader invites us to act out the words of the song.  This did not come from adulthood but has been with me since childhood.  That said, I do not think it gives me unfair bias against such things.  (Of course, you may challenge that.)

Real men don't eat quiche.  Too bad.  I like quiche -- my wife used to make a bacon and Swiss quiche that I still crave (even though it is probably health only in small quantities).  Real men don't do gestures during songs in church.  I am not making a rule but simply supplying an observation based upon experience.  The folks who like to clap and wave their hands and do gestures during songs in church are inevitably small children and women of all ages (though not all of them).  [Boy am I going to get flak for saying this!!!!!]  I think contemporary worship -- in particular the idea that we need to DO something during singing -- is a fruit of the feminization of the faith and of the church.  I think that all those syrupy, sappy, love songs to Jesus my BFF are signs of the feminzation of the faith and of the church.  I think that an aversion to a hierarchical perspective on God, in which we begin with admitting that He is God and we are not, He is Creator and we are mere creatures, that God has teeth and not just tears -- this aversion to a wholly other God is a mark of the feminization of the faith and of the church.

Real men kneel.  Real men bow.  Real men genuflect.  Real men cross themselves.  Real men serve as altar boys.  Real men confess their sins. Real men understand that God is not come to us to be best buds but to deliver salvation to us.  Real men look to the crucifix and see the strength and power of such sacrificial love.  Real men sing sturdy, rhythmic tunes that sing not of our feelings but of what God has done by His mighty acts in Christ to deliver His captive people from their sins, kill them in baptism to make them alive with eternal life, and feed them upon the food of His own flesh and blood.

All the efforts of the last several generations to soften the image of God, to make worship more about us and our wants and likes, and to shape the Office of the Pastor more a therapeutic ministry than a sacramental one -- all of this has resulted in a church in which men are more and more absent or silent.  We wonder all the time "where are all the men?"  If statistics are true, the church has taken on the appearance of an organization largely populated by and directed toward women.  There are many who suggest that the men who are present have been given the subtle message to keep their masculinity under wraps... that those who lead the church and worship tend to emphasize feelings over objective truth in sermons and teaching, to emphasize the horizontal element of our relationships (to one another) over the vertical relationship (to God), and a more collegial style than one that possesses authority.  The typical male in a feminized church has a warm smile, carefully quaffed hair, is dressed to the nines, speaks positively about everyone and everything (except when he admits his own struggles to be a man in touch with himself), and seems to equate faith with getting in touch with your real self -- oh, am I talking about Joel Osteen? It is not just me.  I am reporting statements that come from across the board -- from non-denominational churches to Roman Catholics.  Suffice it to say that I believe there is much truth in all of this.

Where are the men?  It seems that one of the marks of men is that when women enter an area, they recede.  Whether this is good or bad, there is much evidence to all of this.  In the average Protestant congregation, the clergy is female, the ushers are female, the choir is mostly female, and the worship service spends an inordinate amount of words and time on feelings instead of objective truth.  Now, I am not sure which came first -- the absence of men or the women who took over these jobs.  Look at the governing boards of most Protestant congregations and many Roman Catholic parish councils -- what do you see?  Mostly female faces. It is not the fault of women and, in fact, we might rather describe it as the emasculation of the church and the faith more so than the feminization.

I do not mean to disdain the contributions or participation of women.  The very prototype of our faith is the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Many of those (perhaps a majority) who followed Jesus were women.  The last folks at the foot of the cross were women.  Those who rushed to the grave on Easter morning were women.  In every age and generation women have arisen as saints, martyrs, and examples of faith and piety for all of us to follow.  So far be it from me to say anything against their visible place and role in the church.  I only ask, when did we get the idea that in order for men to be in the church needed to show more of their feminine side?


Real men are men of faith and real women are women of faith and they stand together in the pew before the Mighty God and Lord whose love is strong as nails pounded into a cross and whose life is stronger than the grave that tried to imprison Him.  Somewhere along the way, many churches have chosen sides and the feminine side seems to have won.  Whose fault this is, I cannot say (except to admit that the power of sin and evil would use whatever resource available to weaken the Church of Jesus Christ).  The point is this.  We need real men every bit as much as we need real women -- in the home and in the pews.

I am convinced that strong Law/Gospel preaching, the liturgy, and the great hymnody of the Church are assets in recalling men to their rightful place along side the women in the pews. I am equally convinced that a casual understanding of God and of worship, songs of faith that sing like ballads or love songs to Jesus, and Pastors who act more like therapists and priests are hurting and not helping the cause of Christ.

I am no misogynist.  I do not want to drive women away.  But the way Christianity is going in America, the church seems to have chosen sides and real men are no longer welcome in God's house unless they mask their masculinity.  That is how I see it.... so have at me if you disagree....

BTW, I am not hawking the book shown in the image -- just showing that it is not only men who suggest that this feminization of the church and faith is happening in America.... and other places, too!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Our "women only" parishes are also
a result of effeminate clergymen.
We have a lot of "sissy" male pastors
who repel "real men." we need more
"masculine" clergy who look and act
like men. Having played football,
basketball, and baseball in high
school and college I was shocked by
some of the effeminate clergy in our
District who enjoyed sewing banners
for their sanctuary.

In my first parish I introduced
a fast pitch softball team for the
men and slow pitch softball team
for the women. Both of them won
lst place in church leagues.
We had a boys basketball team for
the high schoolers and a girls
volleyball as well.

The bottom line: Guido Merkens
was right, they come to play sports
and stay to pray in worship.
We got many adult confirmands from
these teams as the Lord blessed our
efforts.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it true historically that there have always been more women in church than men? I don't think an abundance of women or feminization is suddenly driving men away. Let's also take note that our church populations are aging and that women generally live longer than men. Our churches turning to sappy-clappy worship music and other marketing tactics may have been more about trying to attract young families with children than about trying to please the female demographic in our pews. If women are more likely than men to feel obliged to help a sappy-clappy worship service succeed (by participating in those cheesy hand gestures) it is probably because they are more concerned with the success of the church and the example they provide their children [of enthusiastic participation] than with their own self-image.

Anonymous said...

"I feel just plain silly and goofy when the song leader invites us to act out the words of the song. This did not come from adulthood but has been with me since childhood."

FWIW many, if not most kids hate that stuff. Hand motions are for pre-K kids not elementary. They want to graduate from it. Sometimes that means they graduate from all church activities because they are overly juvenile. Consider the young person's experience of going from happy clappy Sunday school to sit-down serious confirmation class and then is expected to go back to happy clappy until college. Lots of them just skip it.

Anonymous said...

Amen! A little less estrogen, a little more testosterone!

Anonymous said...

It is a real stretch to say that
Contemporary Worship is the reason
that men have avoided contact with
the local parish.

+ Robert Wurst said...

Agree. Another area that your observations can be seen is in the Voters Assembly (not that I am a fan of VA anyway). That action in 1969 has done much to change our congregations.

ErnestO said...

My comments are in bold below:
“Real men kneel. Real men bow. Real men genuflect. Real men cross themselves. Real men serve as altar boys. Real men confess their sins. Real men understand that God is not come to us to be best buds but to deliver salvation to us. Real men pray Real men look to the crucifix and see the strength and power of such sacrificial love. Real men sing sturdy, rhythmic tunes that sing not of our feelings but of what God has done by His mighty acts in Christ to deliver His captive people from their sins, kill them in baptism to make them alive with eternal life, and feed them upon the food of His own flesh and blood.”
If you want to insert a conversation stopper in a gathering of Lutheran men, just mention prayer. This observation is not a knock on us men; but we tend to be prayer challenged! Let us begin anew men and women of the Lutheran Church and practice “The Christian’s trade,” which Martin Luther delineated “as prayer.”

VeryQuietOne said...

I'd make a terrible Charismatic/feminized church member. While I do enjoy singing some of the newer hymns that were written within this century, I enjoy the liturgy and many of the old hymns.

The folks who like to clap and wave their hands and do gestures...are inevitably...women of all ages I hated clapping, waving my hands and doing gestures as a kid and I hate doing them now as a woman. As a kid, I thought it was babyish; as an adult, I think it seems silly and during worship it would feel too much like I was trying to draw attention to myself.

the ushers are female...I am not sure which came first -- the absence of men or the women who took over these jobs. At my church, all of our female ushers joined at the same time as their husbands and they work together as a team.

I will usher at memorial services when there is no funeral home staff present, during regular worship services when we are short on ushers and when, to quote my (male) pastor, "When we need someone who knows where everything is and what to do". Perhaps that is part of the the problem; the men either don't know how or don't want to learn how to do things, so the women take over rather than see jobs not get done.

Real men bow.… I think some of the problem is education or lack thereof; most have no clue why the pastors or ushers bow as they enter the chancel. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to explain to new members/guests/readers/ushers/Altar Guild why it's done and show ushers/readers/Altar Guild how and when to bow.

Real men cross themselves... The only people, male or female, I know who cross themselves who are not of the Catholic or Orthodox faiths are pastors, a very few of their wives and seminarians. After attending Chapel for a few months at one of our seminaries, I started crossing myself at the Invocation when the students did and while it has now become natural for me, I still feel conspicuous at my own church and I know I get funny looks at times.

From Anon:I was shocked by some of the effeminate clergy in our District who enjoyed sewing banners for their sanctuary. I don’t see sewing as something that is only a woman’s hobby. I had a cousin (recently called Home) who was also chief warden at a federal penitentiary. You didn't mess with Dale. He also loved to sew curtains. He found the sewing soothing; it was his stress relief. My big, burly uncle loves to cross stitch; it’s how he relaxes. I wouldn’t call either one of the effeminate-at least not if I wanted to live to see another sunrise.

Rev. Kevin Jennings said...

I have to be honest. When I was in college and hanging around all the "God-squad" folks who were doing the "Pass it on" and all those songs, I hated those songs. The only reason I went was because there some hot girls there.

Almost 30 years after graduating, my wife and I are agreed that these songs and the hand actions are, well, dumb. If you look at a picture of a happy-clappy service, I'll be the one with my arms crossed, not singing, and generally looking bored.

That said, some have voiced the concern over more women in church than men. Folks, it started in the Garden - the serpent spoke to Eve while Adam, "who was with her," remained silent.

By the way, one of the posts said that the word PRAYER is a conversation stopper for men. I tend to disagree, especially if you've taught folks to pray using the Catechism. If you want a real conversation starter for the males of the day, it's the word RELATIONSHIP. In the words of my drill instructors at MCRD San Diego, "Good night, ladies!"

Anonymous said...

Amen, brother!