Many in our world today bemoan the fact that traditions are quickly being forgotten. With every generation, it seems as if traditions are lost. There are some who speak out against traditions, saying we don’t need them. That’s become a very popular view. But it’s an uninformed one, because in reality we still have traditions...they’re just traditions of men.
Jesus addressed man’s traditions when some Pharisees and scribes questioned Him. They saw Jesus’ disciples eating without washing their hands, and they wanted to know why. Why didn’t Jesus’ disciples follow the traditions of the elders? And there you see what their true concern was. The Pharisees weren’t concerned with the disciples’ hygiene. Their concern was following the traditional ritual washings in order to purify oneself from uncleanliness, uncleanliness that came from inevitably coming into contact with something impure at the marketplace, like a Gentile.
Back in Exodus 30 and Leviticus 22, God gave commands for ritual washings to the priests. The priests had to wash before entering into God’s presence to offer the sacrifices. These washings weren’t commanded of the people though, just the priests. Therefore, the Pharisees were adding to God’s command. They were requiring a man-made tradition as if God had commanded it. But Jesus wouldn’t let them get away with this. He knew what was in their heart. He knew their hypocrisy.
The Pharisees who questioned Jesus wanted to honor God in their own way. They wanted to go above and beyond, even to the point of elevating they’re traditions over God’s commands, implying their way was better. Such is man’s attempt to please God.
Man-made traditions are ultimately self-serving. They’re all about us, what we desire, and what we want to do. That’s what was behind the Pharisees’ questioning of Jesus. But before we simply go and point fingers at the Pharisees for this, we need to look at our lives as well, because we too have set up traditions that are contrary to God’s...and there’s no better example of this than our tradition of marriage.
Marriage is God’s tradition. It’s the very first tradition actually, established by God in Creation, even before our Fall into sin. God made man, Adam. And then He said it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so He made a helper fit for him. He made woman, Eve. And then He gave them the command to be fruitful and multiply and to fill the earth and to have dominion over all creation. That having dominion means caring for God’s creation. That includes caring and loving, serving and honoring spouse and family. That’s marriage. That’s God’s design for marriage, one husband and one wife, united in one flesh until death parts them, loving and serving and honoring each other. But we’ve turned marriage into something different. We’ve made it our own tradition.
God’s design for marriage is submission and service. These two words have become four-letter words when it comes to our tradition of marriage though. I’ve been to weddings where Ephesians 5 has been read and there is audible disapproval when the pastor reads “Wives, submit to your husbands.” And then when he gets to the verses reading “Husbands, love your wives,” you can see men jump in their seats because their wife just elbowed them in the ribs. These reactions are a result of us turning marriage into a selfish thing.
We’ve made marriage a selfish thing. We’ve want marriage to be about us and that’s why we don’t like to talk about “submission” and “service,” because submission and service aren’t about us, it’s about others. Submission and service requires putting others first. Submission and service looks outside of oneself. Submission and service gives up self for the benefit of another. But that’s not the focus of our man-made tradition of marriage.
Just think about it. How is marriage portrayed in the movies? If it’s portrayed at all, marriage is about having our wants met. Romance movies are about the guy or girl finding that right person, the person who will satisfy all their desires: both emotionally and physically. We watch those stories and buy into that narrative. We pursue relationships with the sole goal of satisfying ourselves. Take a quick inventory of your married life this past week. How many times did you get frustrated because your spouse didn’t do what you wanted? Or how many times were your thoughts and actions first about yourself and not your spouse or children? I can’t count high enough for all the times that’s been true for me.
And then you have the TV shows that portray family life in a negative way. The husband and father is always a bumbling idiot and the wife and mom is always a controlling nag. There’s no submission or service. Again, we buy into these narratives and begin to view our marriages through these lenses. We look at our husband as if he’s an idiot who can’t do anything right and we look at our wife as if she’s a nag who’s never satisfied.
And what’s the result? Unhappy marriages, divorce, broken homes. We don’t get what we want so we leave. We leave the other half of our flesh, the one whom we said we’d have and to hold, whom we’d love and cherish until death parted us; the one whom we pledged our faithfulness to. And don’t think this is just an outside the church thing. Don’t think it’s just unbelievers who’ve replaced God’s good tradition of marriage for a man-made one, because it’s not. We see it among ourselves as well. We look at our spouses with selfish eyes instead of submission and service.
Submission and service aren’t bad things. Wives, submitting to your husbands isn’t about becoming a slave to him. It isn’t about being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. It isn’t about your husband lording over you. It’s about helping your husband, being that helper fit for him as he fulfills his duties and responsibilities as head of the house. It’s about following his headship as he loves and serves you; as he cares for you, because that’s what God has given him to do. So husbands do that. Love your wives. Serve them. Live for them. Give up your life to care for hers. That’s true masculinity, and that’s why God has given you a wife. God has given you a wife not to rule and lord over, but to love and to serve, just as Christ has loved and served you.
That’s what God’s tradition of marriage is about. It’s about Christ’s love for you. When God created man and wife in the Garden, He had Christ and His cross in mind. When St. Paul said “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church,” (Eph 5:32) he isn’t saying that Christ and His love for you are a picture of our marriages, but that our marriages are a reflection of His love. To understand God’s tradition of marriage, you need to know what Christ has done for you. You need to know His love that drove Him to the cross to serve you in the ultimate way, dying for you, giving Himself up for you, so that you’d be saved from your sin and death. Christ has given all to have you. He’s washed you with water and the Word. He’s sanctified you and made you a spotless bride, so that you’d have a new and everlasting life with Him.
This life isn’t just a future thing. It’s a present reality for today. Today you stand sanctified and cleansed before your Bridegroom who gave up His life for you. And today, you reflect that love and submission and service to the husband and wife God has given you. No, you won’t be the perfect spouse. You’ll follow man’s tradition of marriage again, serving yourself first. But with repentance, seek out Christ’s forgiveness, and share that forgiveness in your homes. With faith, look not to yourself, but to your spouse. See them for the gift they are. Submit and serve, because that’s God’s tradition, and there’s no better tradition for marriage than that. In Jesus’ name...Amen.
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