What Marriage Rites Say About Marriage

I recall being at a wedding in a Roman Catholic Church where the priest said that marriage was the only sacrament in which the priest(s) was not the ordained priest but the bride and groom.  Well, it was the 1970s and he probably was not speaking exactly the theology of the sacraments as the Roman Church officially has spoken.  I also recall attending a Jewish wedding and then a wedding at an Greek Orthodox Church and was struck by the differences between the Western rites and the Eastern rites (Jewish being Eastern as well).  In the West we treat the marriage rite as if the bride and groom define, confect, and seal the (sacramental) union while in the East the bride and groom speak no words at all and all the action is around them or to them from the priest/rabbi and assembly.  What a stark contrast to those who want to write their own vows and shape a marriage rite that fits the whims and desires of the bride (or more accurately, the bride's mom).

Weddings still confound me as Pastor and I wish we had followed the Eastern example instead of the Western rites.  It appears to me that our rite (borrowed as it were from the Anglicans) is rooted more in contract law than anything else.  We lay out the intent of the parties, define the terms in the vows, witness the public agreement, and add the blessing of the assembly to it all.  Sure, there is a place for God in all of this but it is the same rite basically as when a justice of the peace or ship's captain administers it.  Since contract law is about the parties and their agreement, the terms of that agreement, and the consequences of either party failing to honor the terms, it is not much of a religious rite at all.  Just a little bit of God thrown in at the end.

In contrast to this, the Eastern rites see marriage not as the possession of the bride and groom but of the community (and in particular, God).  It is the status of being married that is being conferred and not the bride and groom who claim this for themselves.  Marriage belongs to the community and they bestow the status of husband and wife through the rite (with its definition of marriage, blessings, and prayers).  It seems to me that this is much more Biblical than the Western way of doing it.  Maybe it is just me, but the Eastern rite seems to flow better from the whole way we see marriage.  It is also more consistent with the comparison of Christ the bridegroom and the Church the bride -- a marriage rooted in the will of the Father and His decree carried out and fulfilled by Christ who by His death and resurrection presents the bride to the Father that she may be sealed to Him for all eternity....

Well, just a few quick comments for today...