When confessing your sin. . .

When making confession, it is not necessary to include all the details or to frame the sin in such way that it might not appear as bad as you fear.  Just confess.  While there may be a need for and a benefit to the one confessing to elaborate, it is not required.  Furthermore, God knows the sin.  He wants to know you know it, too.  That is the setting for confession.  When we confess we do not tell God what He does not know but we own what we know He does know.  

Over the years I have heard some interesting confessions -- not because the sins were especially scandalous or shocking but because the one confessing seemed to work very hard to either minimize the sin or justify it so it really wasn't his or her fault.  I learned early on that to confess your sin is simply to confess it.  God knows the circumstances.  Your father confessor does not need to know them but only that you are penitent and desire and cherish God's forgiveness.  Part of the blessing of private confession is that owning your sin and saying it out loud for another to hear makes it more difficult to keep its poison hidden inside you and take back from our Lord what He died to take from you.

If you get nervous, as many do, simply slow down and be deliberate.  If you forget something, go back and start over.  If you remember something after your confession, bring it up next time.  Remember that in addition to the specific sins you enumerate, you are also making a general confession.  If this is something that needs to be said, go back and say it or confess it next time.  If it is not, then it is certainly included in the general confession that is also a part of private confession.

Don't worry what your pastor will think.  Most sins are rather ordinary in that they are common to most folks.  What makes them significant is how they can exert a hold on us and detract our attention from forgiveness.  That is why the most important part of confession is the absolution -- hearing the forgiveness spoken directly to you.  

Relax.  This is not some ordeal meant to punish you but a gift and a blessing.  If you are feeling awkward or ill at ease, talk to your pastor.  If you are having trouble feeling forgiven or ceasing the specific sin you have confessed, talk to your pastor.  If you pastor asks you a question, it is not because he has some unwholesome interest but because he is trying to help you and some details make a significant difference in the pastoral care he is giving you within the confessional.

Absolution is not like a vending machine where we insert something to get something back.  It is a blessing.  God has done the heavy lifting.  He died for your sins.  Our sinful hearts are reluctant to let go of our sin just as they are hesitant to admit them.  It is the Spirit's work to bring us to know and own our sin in confession and to know and rejoice in God's gift of forgiveness -- personally applied by the pastor.  Our penitence does not pay for our sins -- only the blood of Christ cleanses us from our sin.  But our penitence is itself the work of the Spirit within us preparing us to receive this blessed gift.  

So if you have never enjoyed the blessing of private confession and absolution, don't wait.  Call your pastor and make an appointment.  If it has been a while, maybe now is the time to call and sit down with your pastor.  If there are sins for which you struggle to feel forgiven and which you carry with you, then this is past time for you to rejoice in the gift of the absolution and in the clear conscience that forgiveness offers.