I have written before of the relative modern idea of defining oneself by gender or by sexual attraction. There is more. In nearly all of history, homosexual acts were forbidden but homosexuality was seldom treated. The legal codes of most societies had classes of forbidden acts which included "sodomy" or homosexual acts, but these said little about the object of them or even the perpetrator of those acts. All of this changed when homosexual acts no longer were the focus but the desire itself, now framed as a distinct and authentic form of sexuality. In other words, the focus of the previous legal codes and moral judgements were on the actions themselves while today we have transcended the acts to speak of being gay as an identity.
The problem here is not simply in choosing which sexual orientation as the correct human identity. No, I would suggest, the problem lies in rejecting this modern myth that sexual desire defines who I am and returning to the other more Biblical and Christian sources of personal identity, morality, and virtue. Gayness or straightness is not that which underlies and shapes who anyone is as a person. Desire is one area in which we all share a common path to virtue through self-denial. Free to be me is not license to practice whatever I choose or whatever seems right in my eyes. The freedom accorded to me in the Gospel is first and foremost the freedom to deny myself, to practice self-control of even the most basic of human desires, and to take up the cross and follow Jesus.
Our inordinate and unnatural fascination with sexual desire does not ennoble us but it does have the power to strip from us those things that make us distinctively human, bearing -- though distorted by sin -- the image of God in our flesh. Sex is not ugly nor the basest of our human desires but neither is it the most beautiful or the noblest of human desires. Nothing could be more burdensome upon us than to be forced to spend our lives finding out who we are, agonizing over the nature of our desires, and living either in fear or or in bondage to those desires. There is no freedom at all when the fullness of human identity is reduced to a choice between or a stopping point on the spectrum of heterosexuality and homosexuality. When the church is forced to give permission to all or to choose one point on this polarity and say "this is what it means to be human" we are in a pretty sorry state. An identity distinguished essentially by our genital sexual desires is but a sign of the depth to which we have fallen because of sin and how little is left to us of the promise of our creation in the Garden of Eden.
There abide these three -- faith, hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love. Love, not desire. Love shaped by sacrifice, not indulgence. Love marked by suffering willingly borne, not perfect pleasure. Love which looks like a cross, even when, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, we wear it by baptism and faith.