Saturday, March 9, 2019

Coming out for all the wrong reasons. . .

The New York Times wrote a piece on closeted gay priests and the prison in which they live.  You can read it here. 
The closet of the Roman Catholic Church hinges on an impossible contradiction. For years, church leaders have driven gay congregants away in shame and insisted that “homosexual tendencies” are “disordered.” And yet, thousands of the church’s priests are gay.





Fewer than about 10 priests in the United States have dared to come out publicly. But gay men probably make up at least 30 to 40 percent of the American Catholic clergy, according to dozens of estimates from gay priests themselves and researchers. Some priests say the number is closer to 75 percent. One priest in Wisconsin said he assumed every priest was gay unless he knows for a fact he is not. A priest in Florida put it this way: “A third are gay, a third are straight and a third don’t know what the hell they are.”
NBC has the story of one of the sources of that article and how he came out to his parish.

"I am Greg. I am a Roman Catholic priest. And, yes, I am gay!"  A Roman Catholic priest in Milwaukee has come out as gay, writing that he will no longer live in the shadows of secrecy and plans to be authentic to his gay self.

The Rev. Gregory Greiten first disclosed his sexual orientation publicly on Sunday to the St. Bernadette Parish and was greeted with a standing ovation from his parishioners, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported. He also wrote a column that was published Monday in the National Catholic Reporter.
The stories describe poignantly the painful accounts of priests who feel they must live a lie.  It might seem callous then for me, who is neither Roman Catholic nor gay, to challenge the whole idea of coming out.  But that is what I am doing.  I challenge the idea that a priest or anyone's first duty is to be authentic according to their sexual desire.  I challenge the idea that sexual desire is primary or even among the most important things that define people.  I certainly challenge the idea that it is so for one who claims to be Christian, much less for one who claims to be Christian within a church that listens to the voice of Scripture in defining this as disordered desire unsanctioned by God.  Honestly, it would be better for those who feel compelled to come out to resign from the priesthood instead of presuming that it is possible to come out while living faithfully the vocation of the priesthood.

Fr. Greiten wrote: "I will embrace the person that God created me to be. In my priestly life and ministry, I, too, will help you, whether you are gay or straight, bisexual or transgendered, to be your authentic self — to be fully alive living in your image and likeness of God."  In other words, this is not about coming out at all but about a radical transformation of the ethical imperatives and moral identity shaped by Scripture and expressed in nearly 2,000 years of unbroken witness.  Fr. Greiten is not simply in search of honesty or integrity but wants orthodox Christianity to change -- to radically change -- its doctrine and piety.  That is why coming out as a Roman Catholic priest is not freedom but simply the shifting of the burden of fidelity from the priest to those in his care.  Fr. Greiten and those like him are not searching for understanding but acceptance, not for love but for the approval of a desire the CCC says is disordered and the practice sinful.  He says he feels like a new person for coming out.  Would that he felt like a new person because of the gift of a new identity in baptism, of a new direction for piety shaped not by the glorification of desire but by its self-control.  Could it be that Fr. Greiten and those like him are not looking to have their identity transformed but approved by a God whose job it is to make them feel good about themselves and their desires more than make them new people, created with new hearts, and with a love and desire to keep the will of the Lord according to His commandments?  If a priest is striving to live a holy life, he needs to get on with his priesthood and stop complaining about a God and a church that does not sanction his desire over his baptismal identity and priestly calling.  Finally, that priest needs to stop rubbing his plight in people’s faces and making it their problem instead of his.  If he cannot do this, he must resign.

This has become local since the Roman Catholic parish down the road heard its pastor announce to the congregation he was gay but closeted no more.   His past and current bishops knew but did nothing.  It has scandalized the parish -- Roman Catholics, though the largest congregation in town, try not to be too conspicuous in a city well within the Bible Belt.  What’s the big fuss about Fr. Wolf? Maybe it’s his vanity-press booklet “Gay Respect in the Good News.” Maybe it’s his association with dissenting Catholic groups like New Ways Ministry. Fortunate Families, and Equally Blessed, or with other non-Catholic groups like “PFLAG” and the active LGBT agenda-pushers in the heart of the Bible-Belt community of Clarksville. Maybe it’s the fact that, despite claiming to a parishioner that he thinks he was “born gay,” it wasn’t until he “discovered” he was “gay” at age 33 that Wolf decided to enter the seminary. Maybe it’s the fact that Wolf led a retreat for self-identifying “gay” clergy in 2017, ironically titled “Following Jesus in Holy Honesty.”

No priest should announce he is gay or straight or anything in between or several identities simultaneously.  This is not supposed to be what defines us and God has not saved us in order to glorify our desires but to reshape them so that they may be for Him.  This is not about repressing desire but reordering it, not about hiding sexual identity but transcending it, and not about seeking to live first in accord with desire but first in accord with Christ and the new life of His kingdom.  How can a priest who does not get this help the people in his care to do this in their daily lives?  What is it that St. Paul is directing us to when he calls upon us to live upright and self-controlled lives?
But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior. For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
The world will surely not get it but those within the household of faith ought to and surely one who is ordained and set apart to be priest and pastor to the people of God should be expected to get it.  I have no doubt that a person who has homosexual desires can serve faithfully by controlling those desires and putting baptismal identity and priestly calling over and above them.  This is not the path of the world but it is and has always been the path of life within orthodox Christianity.  Yes, I know, we Lutherans have other issues with the priesthood (such as the requirement to be celibate) but in this instance, we stand together in saying that disordered desires should not be celebrated as gifts of God nor should the burden of living with them (or without them) be dumped upon the faithful in the pews. We have a higher identity and calling than the glorification of desire (whatever that desire is) and everyone, single or married, is to live pure and chaste lives within their calling.  We do not give an out to straight people who come to find marriage a burden or who have tired of the one to whom they promised faithfulness before God and His church and we do not give to those outside of marriage a choice on how to fulfill sexual desire with impunity.  This is not about us.  It is about the Lord, about His Word, and about the shape of new hearts created in Christ Jesus not for self but for Him.  On this Lutherans and Roman Catholics ought to agree.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hmmm let's see

I began to realize I was attracted to boys instead of girls at about age 11. I quickly figured out two things

1: Christians hate homosexuals. I mean some Christians say really nasty things about gay people and even joke about killing them and no one in the Church stands up and says “hey, that's rude. You should not talk about people that way.” And that kind of behavior is hate, plain and simple.

2: God expects celibacy or faithful hetero marriage. I knew I could not manage the 2nd without throwing up when I thought about sex with a female. So, celibacy it was. Only, there was no one around to ask how to manage that because, as far as I knew, I was the only Christian gay kid in existence. So I found the best way to remain celibate was to not have friends. Girls expected more than friendship and being friends with boys was too complicated and introduced to many temptations. So friendships were out of the picture. So also was any kind of physical affection, like hugs and stuff. Too much chance of temptation, at least to mental sins. So no personal contact. But that was OK. I figured I would live to about 72, the average age for a man. And then I would die and I imagined God might be happy to see me, at least act friendly toward me and might even give me a hug, if He had time what with all the running of the universe He has to do. So, from 14 on, instead of celebrating another year on my birthday, I secretly subtracted one more year from the total I had to make it here on this earth before I could finally see God and have a friend.

Only, about middle age, I hit a wall I had not expected. I had been without a hug or a close friend for so long at that point that could not longer remember what either was like. I no longer had the capacity to imagine God wanting anything to do with me, much less rejoicing in me – and certainly not hugging.

I talked some to a pastor. Boy was that a mistake. The number one piece of advice I would give to any teen finding himself attracted to other boys at this time is DO NOT EVER CONFESS TO A PASTOR! Yes, he will give you absolution – but he won't treat you like a forgiven sinner. He will say the words but he won't mean them. At best, he will just go silent about homosexuality when the topic comes up in Bible class or conversations. Most likely, however, like so many conservative bloggers, he will consider people like you responsible for the sexual abuse of teens and he will treat you accordingly. And he will probably tell you to “out your identity in Christ instead of your sin,” while he himself will treat you like someone likely to rape little boys on a moment's notice. Whatever his response, it will very rarely be to treat you like an actual brother in Christ.

So maybe those priests don't so much want to come out to their congregation as they are just plain tired of being alone, tired of believing that God hates them and tired of not having any friends. Maybe they would just like to talk to a fellow priest and not be treated like a potential child rapist.

Anonymous said...

Your experience is not the only experience. Loneliness and rejection are not the only ways that churches that do not sanction GLBTQ relationships react to or care for those who struggle to live within the parameters of God's Word. Some find great support and friendship to ease the burden they bear and others do not. This is not as simple as painting all churches with the same broad brush. I happen to know several in that circumstance who find great love and support in a congregation steadfastly for the one man and one woman marriage and family of the Bible.

A Hedgehog Among the Rocks said...

Interestingly enough, while I have met many straight Christians who said they knew faithful same sex attracted Christians who had felt supported by their church, I have never met one of those mythical gay Christians who said they had received that support. They seem about as common as the Loch Ness Monster, in that many claim to know someone else who has seen it but few have seen it themselves.

David Gray said...

There are no "gay" Christians. There are Christians who struggle with sexual temptations, some of who struggle with that particular temptation. Framing it as you do indicates a failure to understand the nature of the situation.

Anonymous said...

Oh knock of the crap about not being "gay" Christian. It is Christians themselves who put our identity in our specific temptation. I have never had anything to do with the LGBT community. Everything I learned about being "gay" came from Christians who say nasty things about same sex attracted people and joke about killing us. And they they have the unmitigated gall to whine "out your identity in Christ instead of your temptation" etc. What total crap. Stop being an idiot.

David Gray said...

Two things.

Proof read your material. A good rant loses something when the first sentence is rubbish.

I can only offer you the truth. And in over fifty years I've never heard a member of any church I've been in joke about killing anyone, regardless of the nature of their temptations.

Daniel G. said...

Anonymous: I think what the prolific Mr. Gray is saying,and I begrudgingling agree with, is that “gay” is a political term to describe a way of life for people who have same sex attraction. You said you don’t have anything with the LGBTQ community so do you idenifty as gay or same sex attracted? They are two different things. I sense you don’t agree with the “gay” community but you have the attraction and have decided to follow your conscience and life a chaste life, correct? Trust me when I say that I know what I am talking about because I am same sex attracted and have come in and out of the “gay”scene time and time again. This particular cross is not an easy one as we are faced with ew options. We either have to remain celibate or try “conversion” therapy. That’s it. Tough no? But God does say that his grace is sufficient; we have to respond to it and I admit I have failed many times. For heterosexual people, it’s easier because if they “stray” and as someone put it to me, at least they are straying in a “normal” way; that is, with the opposite sex. For us, NOOOOO as it cries to heaven for vengeance. It’s annoying when a straight person tells us that it’s a struggle but our struggle is a double edged sword. I get the frustration. But God does love us and we have to try. Sorry for the ramble but it doesn’t help to get angry with people, espeicially those who love us and want to help us. The others who come down hard are either struggling with the issue of same sex attraction themselves or are pharisaical holier than thous.

Daniel G. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daniel G. said...

Just one more thing Mr. Gray, I find it hard to believe that you have “never” heard any joking in 50 years from people about killing the fags. I’ve heard it plenty enough from family members to clergy no matter the denomination.

David Gray said...

Daniel, I think you've already established that you and I move in very different church circles. I can't remember ever hearing that. I don't think I've heard anyone joke about murdering anyone. It just isn't funny.

Daniel G. said...

No, it’s not especially when you hear it from people who are supposed to love and care for you; ie, family. Mr. Gray, for what it’s worth, I don’t doubt your sincerity in belief and practice. What I would hope is that people with strong Christian convictions like you would pray for us who cope with this particular cross and wish us well, not in affirmation of a deviant life style as so many “churches” now do, but in our walk towards eternity.

David Gray said...

I pray that all Christians live lives of repentance as we all struggle with sin. I have one particular man that I love who I pray for specifically who has this temptation. There is no "conversion therapy" for pride or anger either, there is the daily struggle with our old natures and the need for daily repentance.

Archimandrite Gregory said...

Daniel keep up the good fight with Christ as your buckler and shield. Every cross borne leads to the final victory wrought in Christ. My prayers and best wishes go with you.

Anonymous said...

I for one can vouch for having a faithful LCMS Pastor who hears my confession, who serves me the body and blood of Jesus, and who supports my life with spiritual guidance and friendship -- though he knows that I am gay but struggle to live within the Bible's teaching. If I were to show up in drag (which I do not do) or in some other way draw attention to myself and my orientation, I could not count on his support but neither do others who draw attention to themselves in such flagrant ways get a pass. We are all under the same expectation. In marriage fidelity and outside of marriage no sex. My pastor applies that truth to all no matter who they are. I am sure I am not the only one. In fact, I know I am not. The church is not a place where we flaunt our desires no matter what those desires are and in the church what is our common identity is most important -- we are baptized children of God.

Daniel G. said...

Thank you Archimandrite Gregory for those comforting words. I am not an Orthodox Christian but I do love and respect the Orthodox Church. I pray that one day, we will all be united. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

https://mattahood.wordpress.com/2019/03/12/the-closet-the-cage-the-cost-and-caring/

Anonymous said...

Not only do most Christians hate gays, but they also hate those of us who continue to love and support our gay family members. Many Christians would prefer we not speak of our loved ones at all unless it is to complain about how we cannot send them off to be converted or better yet, have them killed. This is not an exaggeration. Its not these "Christians" who will be helping when Daddy is in hospice and Mom needs a ride to the doctor but our beloved family members. Thank goodness the young people coming up are far more accepting of gay family members and neighbors and coworkers. Another reason young people are also staying away from homophobic churches.

David Gray said...

Christians repent of sin, they don't take pride in it.

Pointing that out isn't hate, it is love.